What? What do you mean? Aren’t you lonely? Why?
Well, to be honest, I’m weird. I’m an introvert at heart, but on the outside I’m quite outgoing i guess. I love my own company, and value it a lot, but i also enjoy the company, and value of people i care about.
I can be energetic and outgoing on the outside, but really, i honestly do find comfort in being alone. I can play music, write draw and develop my mind alone, rather then with a bunch of people. I don’t know why. For example, I always practice talking or thinking over something interesting to talk about before i sleep, then when i go out and socialise, i have a lot more things to talk about, and i come off more interesting that way. For most people it comes naturally, but for me i have to think about it before it happens, otherwise I’ll say something peculiar or weird or i’ll accidentally upset someone. Anyone else get like that?
It annoys me a lot when people interrupt my personal space and criticise me because my space is not like their own, I believe, the way i live is based on my mental state. If i feel terrible, my room will look terrible, and it makes me feel more at ease and in control when i clean it up myself, because it feels like I’m being independent and picking up and sorting out my problems bit by bit. Its weird and i guess sad, but its like when people do Yoga, because they find it relaxing. If i’m in the right state of mind, It makes me feel immensely better doing something myself, then someone else picking up after me.
I hate the schooling system for this exact reason, I believe everyone should have independence, and not have to constantly be the weight on someone else, that they have to look after and care for, which is another reason i have a lot of people who argue with me, and moan and say you should do it like this or like that.
I prefer to be in control and be the own decision maker in my life, and i should be able to fail and grow on my own without needing someone else to bear the burden for me. For some people they need to depend on others, and i can understand that but this is how >>> I <<< honestly feel, and it saddens me that some people cant understand that.
Sometimes I’d much rather lie in bed and think about life, rather then deal with it, but then i have those days where i’d go out and live rather then be cooped up. Its like i’m a phone and i need to be on charge in order to have the strength and mental capacity to deal with people, It has it issues, but it benefits my mental state on a whole.
I hate people buying stuff for me, or doing things i should do, or telling me how to do something, Unless I’ve never heard of it before. I. e. Algebra (getting taught then doing it myself then reflecting on the past then practising on my own then someone standing over my shoulders and saying do this do this do this, Its kind of noisy and i can’t focus).
I’d rather do it myself and learn in my own terms then it being forced onto me. Haha! Just thought of something, Imagine that scenario, but there being someone who needs my help and there’s me sitting down on the floor about to help her, and then someones like “You should do this” And then i do it a different way and it doesn’t end good… I should never be a nurse or a doctor! Thinking back, i do guess you have to rely and depend on people most of the time, Like when you need someone.
But doing simple things or trying to be creative in a different light i believe you should do it on your own… use others for reference, but creativity should be found in the person, and it should be developed in their own way, and people should be able to reflect. Thinking back you could say I’m like an ignorant child, But this is the exact reason i write, To improve myself and reflect, to respect and share my views, and hopefully make a beneficial impact on someone. I know I don’t have alot of readers, but even if i don’t i hope they have something interesting to think about.